The Activation and Restoration of Shame in an Intimate Relationship: A First-Hand Account of Self-Injury

Nina Veetnisha Gunnarsson

doi:10.18778/1733-8077.17.2.06

Authors

Nina Veetnisha Gunnarsson University of Jönköping, Sweden https://orcid.org/0000-0001-8948-1055

DOI:

https://doi.org/10.18778/1733-8077.17.2.06

Keywords:

Self-Injury, Shame, Social Bonds, Critical Other, First-Person Account

Abstract

This paper is grounded in a first-hand account of my own experiences with self-injury and shame. By using my personal diary entries as support for this account and a sociological framework of shame, I explore the process of shame and shame reactions in an intimate relationship. I illustrate how shame was activated by my internalized critical other, how the shame cycle de-stabilized my relationship, and, finally, how shame was restored through the other’s validation and acceptance, or how it led to more shame managed by self-injury. However, this account is not simply about self-analysis, or a need to indulge in my pain; rather, it is an inner dialogue that rests on the commitment to develop a richer understanding of the personal and interpersonal experiences of self-injury and shame. Today, I finally understand how shame works and this has helped me to not get caught up in my emotions. So, although shame may take a hold of me at times, I am no longer, like before, controlled by my shame.

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Author Biography

Nina Veetnisha Gunnarsson, University of Jönköping, Sweden

Nina Veetnisha Gunnarsson is an Assistant Professor at the University of Jönköping, School of Health and Welfare, Department of Social Work, Sweden. Her research interest focuses on self-injury, particularly its connection with shame and social interaction. She has previously published two articles on self-injury: “The Self-Perpetuating Cycle of Shame and Self-Injury” and “The Scarred Body: A Personal Reflection of Self-Injury Scars.”

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